Month: February 2019 (Page 1 of 2)

A common error that I made throughout my essay is in grammar. The most common mistake that I made is comma splices or misuse of commas. Some mistakes in my first draft include, “The media also has an impact on this negativity, many times movies and TV shows will portray violent criminals to be mentally ill.” and “Classifying shame as a lethal public health treat is such a powerful statement, however, it is necessary in order for people to see the severity of this problem, as shame is at the heart of suicide.” I did try to fix some of the comma splices that I did notice from my first draft to my final draft so there were less errors. I think to improve this I need to refresh my memory on the correct usage of commas so that I don’t mess up anymore. My goal is that I will be able to recognize my own comma splices and misuse of commas, rather than someone else recognizing it for me.

I feel I have gotten significantly better at understanding comma splices. My podcast may have had a couple; but, I did do a whole mini lesson on how to find comma splices and ways to correct them. 

Citations have never really been my strong suit. I think that I cited my sources correctly in the final draft of my paper. Honestly I am unsure as to how to do a citation on my own. I think I would be able to figure out if it was done wrong but doing it free handed with no help or guide would be very difficult for me. I did notice a mistake that in my first draft that I changed going into my final draft.

“Hallward, Anne. “How Telling Our Silenced Stories Can Change the World.” TedxDirigo. 8 December 2014. Web. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dMlsnrLN9U . Accessed 7 September 2017.

Epstein, Helen. “AIDS, Inc.” Emerging: Contemporary Readings for Writers. Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2013.”

This was how my citation page looked in my rough draft. The change that I made going into my final draft was putting them into alphabetical order  by the author’s last name. I am hoping that during this class as I continue to create more works cited pages that I will become more and more comfortable with making these free handed.

I feel that that I did not get any worse or better at citing my sources. I did not have to change my works cited from my first to second draft so that is better than the first draft. The more I practice these, the easier it is to notice errors I could have possibly made. 

In critiquing my own work, I think I do need to work on that. Once I write something I never feel like I need to change it. One trick that I do have is to read my essay out loud so that I can point out any grammatical errors. In editing my partner’s essays I offered advice about connecting their thesis better with their evidence. I feel that I should have offered better structural techniques rather than gramatical. Majority of my comments were complements supporting the writer rather than critiques. I think that I definitely need to obtain some work in this area.

“I think fixing up your thesis so that it doesn’t only talk about Safe Space Radio would be beneficial. I also think you should try to incorporate social cohesion in your analysis, almost lost sight as to what the essay’s goal was. Some sentences could be worded better so that you get your point across better. Also I would double check your MLA format in the quotes”

This was the feedback of the most recent essay that we wrote. I feel that this feedback was much more beneficial than any feedback would have been in the beginning of the year. I think this because I had talked about analysis and MLA format.  

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KLyZizctX-MAjmuWJGsfo_VsyAe23JB5OFxehOCORw0/edit

I feel that I have definitely gotten better at critiquing the works of others. Especially with these podcasts, I feel that peer evaluations were especially important because it was easy for others not to understand your writing because they were personal stories. A piece of advice I had for Brenna was:

Great work Brenna! This story is very moving. I do not feel you even need that much editing. Try reading it outloud to just fix awkward sentence structure. You imagery is awesome. I really felt like I was roaming the halls of middle school again. I feel you could definitely relate this back to Anne Hallward to make a strong text to self connection. Overall great work and I’m glad you overcame all of that negativity. You are awesome.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LmiZfYXg0rBgm0rBmnxTvSaS9VDfzZ-HP9k3BWOk2WA/edit

With this learning outcome, I definitely feel like I could improve. In the beginning, majority of my annotating is just summarizing. After reading each paragraph I would put a sentence or a couple of words to summarize it. Once we went over how to actively read in class I feel I did a lot better in including different connections in it and not just restating what is already in the reading. From here, I hope to become a better active reader and learn to read in between the lines more. Right now I feel I am just scraping the surface in understanding the passages that I read. I would like to learn to be able to read more in depth and get a new understanding for what I am reading. Annotating has never been a favorite of mine. Whenever I hear that I have to annotate something, it is instantly something that I dread. I hope that in learning how important annotating is that I will become more apt to doing it even when it is not assigned.

For the podcasts, active and critical reading was not necessary. However, I do feel that with all of the annotating practice during class, I am continuing to get better in this aspect. 

Throughout this class I have noticed that I have become much more comfortable in quoting from other texts. My new favorite way to quote is the TRIAC method. I like this method because it forces me to include all of the aspects that I need to have a supported quote. This next paragraph is my first attempt at a TRIAC paragraph. I feel that I made strong connections with other texts and had a strong analysis supporting my quote.

“In Eptstein’s Aids Inc the fact that differences in a culture will have effect on major health problems in their country. Uganda approaches the idea of aids in significantly different way than the citizens in South Africa. Epstein states, “…Ugandans come to terms with the reality of AIDS, care for the afflicted, and change their behavior. This in turn led to declines in HIV transmission” (Epstein, 116). People in Uganda make sure it is part of their daily lives to talk about AIDS so that people understand the severity of the disease, rather than fear the unknown like South Africans may do. Hallward makes a similar claim in her TedTalk in that  talking about the “silenced” topics in today’s society, such as mental health, will help heal and minimize feelings of shame. “

Throughout my essay I included mini TRIAC paragraphs. In including this strategy, it almost forces me to have a strong and supportive paragraphs.

“Hallward brought light to the solution that sharing stories minimizes shame. In fact, there was a study done at University of Texas in Austin that say “…when we tell silent stories, our health measurably improves and you can follow that for a year” (Hallward, 4:56). This supports Hallward’s solution in that sharing is the healing process of mental health. She works to provide a space for people to share their stories with others to give everyone the opportunity to heal.”

With this category it was somewhat difficult to include specific quotes from other pieces of writing. In the introduction, I did include a paraphrase. I now realize that it was not completely cited correctly. After hearing the mini lessons about correctly citing sources within quotes or paraphrasing, I learned that even in paraphrasing I still need to add a last name or page number.

According to Laura Dimaria, the writer of the article “How to Respond When Children Become Depressed After a Parent’s Death”, losing a parent may have a major contribution to the child becoming depressed.

Between my first draft and my final draft, a lot has changed. I had gotten a lot of feedback from my classmates during class. I had fixed up some awkward sentence structure. I changed my second paragraph about mental illness in general and added it to my introduction. My next paragraph in my first draft was all about Anne Hallward. It talked about Hallward’s claim about sharing stories and about her podcast Safe Space Radio. This paragraph had too much being talked about in it. I changed this into two separate paragraphs, splitting up the two topics I was talking about. I also ended up splitting up my paragraph about AIDS. One paragraph talked about the AIDS situation in South Africa and the other was about the AIDS situation in Uganda. The end of my essay did not change much. My personal story remained the same as did my conclusion. Besides the major changes that I had mentioned other changed included the addition of better transitions and just minor grammer adjustments.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12u_HMVTGXgthsiB6ai0NKVGAau8DH-XA0X3cztetUDw/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/15koDYEeth2MJz_0vSkTakOAHVXyyRl9o20ZnHVrAjA4/edit

I feel that I did a better job in this category in my first essay. With my podcast, since it was such a personal and descriptive story, I feel that it was hard for me to find changes that needed to be made. I did add more clarification to support my claim about grieving children in the conclusions.

First draft:    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OvgqP3s8QJC1kZhinYNbWYwqKjykKhUOiQDCTrjC6y4/edit

Final draft:    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aqiki-CdGD4qWWoJ6gOpckqF_53Ckby7Y8vZtF0bLRI/edit